A Final Outlet
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay - with mentions of Lucy. Post season 5 finale and is based around Catlin and Will's 'Address in the Stars' song sort of... But NO character death... Promise!


**A/N: You'll all have to bear with me on this one. It may seem completely random, but I hope it doesn't... It's a personal thing that I just wanted to type out through Danny and Linds…**

**Nanny and Kellan - this one is for you - in a roundabout way! I told you I would write a oneshot to 'Address in the Stars'. I think it's slightly different to what you suggested… which shall not be repeated... NANNY!!! I hope it's alright - I know this story isn't anything like my usual fluff, it's just one of those things… **

* * *

_What do I do with all I need to say?_

_So much I wanna tell you everyday. _

_Oh it breaks my heart, I cry these tears in the dark. _

_I write these letters to you, but they get lost in the blue. _

'_Cause there's no address in the stars._

_-'Address In the Stars' - Caitlin and Will._

* * *

Looking up in her position, she reached for a white sheet of crisp paper. Blinking back her tears, her pen hit the paper once again. Almost instantly, it left the page again as she tried to figure out what it was she wanted to address him as. Sweetie, honey, baby… Nothing seemed fitting to the task that was waiting.

'You can do this_.' _She thought, taking a deep breath. 'Be strong. Be simple, and most of all… be honest.'

In keeping to that thought process, she retook her pen that was laid on the table and took one last deep breath before she gripped her pen and put it to the page.

_Danny, _

_If you're reading this, then it means something has happened to me, whether it be in the line of duty, a freak accident, or through whatever else it may have been that's taken me away from you.. _

She threaded her fingertips through her hair; why was she doing this?

_Either way, _she continued, _I'm not around anymore. Writing that now, kills me… But it's true. I know we haven't had it easy - and probably… hopefully… by the time you've read this letter, we will have been through more trials and tribulations…together - but it will have only added to our strength, connection and love. I know that. You and I are for forever. 'Til death do we part._

_Speaking of parting… No matter how we parted last, know that I love you, I always have, and I always will. Even if the last time we spoke was me yelling at your ass to do whatever it was you hadn't done… When I was yelling, I loved you. And I know you loved me. _

_I'm positive there will be a million and one things you will want to say, but never got round to saying to me, and that's alright. Write them down. Say them out loud. Do whatever you want to do to get them out. Think them if you so wish. I promise you I will be there, in your heart, reading everything you write, and hearing everything you say… And listening everything you think. So be careful there, mister. I can still kick your ass from beyond… remember that. _

_Don't freak about Lucy growing up. You and I both know you have it in you to be the best daddy. She's going to need you, babe… Be strong for our baby girl. Hold her if she's upset about the boy that broke her heart. I'll be giving him a haunting of a lifetime - that I can assure you of - you just focus on fixing and picking up the pieces. I will have the reaming down in my own little way. _

_If she's upset and misses me… Then just tell her mommy loves her. Over and over. Don't let her forget me, baby. Keep me alive through pictures and tell her stories. Tell her about how you used to infuriate me. Tell her how we met. Tell her about our first date. Tell her about our history… Maybe not the night on the pool table; she may not appreciate that story quite so much._

_How can I joke in my letter to you? Because that's how I want you to remember me. I want you to remember me as your wiseass wife, that drove you to the brink of insanity, day in… day out.. Who you loved, despite everything. Just like I love you. _

_When you feel like the world is crashing in and just need to hear my voice, call my cell. Listen to my voicemail. Leave me a message. Just cry to me if you want. Scream. Do whatever it is you need to, to get the pain to seem less overwhelming. _

_People are going to tell you that all you need is time. It's a given. Smile and nod. Don't bitch them out, Danny, please. They're trying to say something to help you in yours and Lucy's time of need. And despite what you're probably thinking, it will get easier over time. It won't hurt as bad. It won't seem as unjust. There will be that morning when you wake up, and me not being there won't be the first thing you think of. You just need to take everyday one step at a time. _

_Baby steps. _

_It worked for us before, make it work for you now. _

_I'd give anything to talk to you right now, and you're in the next room. There's not much hope for me dealing in the afterlife without you… is there? _

_You have made my life so perfect. You were my light in the dark. I will never forget the feeling of you walking into that courtroom, half dead, just because. _

_Just because you cared that much for me. _

_Even in our darkest times, I thought of that moment, and remembered why I love you. _

_After that… the more recent feeling that washes over me, is when I look at our daughter. I look at her, and see my baby girl. Our baby girl. She's my entire world, and you gave her to me. It wasn't easy to begin with - but after that you were there… for everything. _

_Every time I needed you, you were there. And for that, I'll always love you. _

_I want you to learn to love again… I want to see you smile again... and again. Don't be afraid to follow your heart. You're allowed to be happy. You made my life complete. It's someone else's turn to have you brighten their world. _

_Don't forget me, Danny. _

_I miss you. _

_I love you, always and always. _

_Montana x _

Capping her pen lid, she brushed the tears from her eyes as she read the last line. Deciding it was okay and ready to be sealed in the envelope, she folded her letter, and slipped it into the said envelope before licking the seal. Neatly writing 'Danny' across the front of the envelope, she sat back in her chair and took a deep breath.

It was done.

* * *

Sat in the bedroom, Danny wasn't having much luck.

At all.

He wanted to do this why, exactly? Because quite frankly, the seemingly good idea didn't seem as good when put into practice.

He sighed, his patience wavering at the lack of coherence and structure of his thoughts. He knew for a fact that his Lindsay would have written a perfectly punctuated, grammatically correct, well structured letter… Him… She'd be lucky if she got his thoughts in a none muddled fashion.

He raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. 'Do it for your baby girl.' he thought. 'Imagine what Lindsay will be feeling with you gone. Give her something to seek solace in.'

Danny sucked up a breath.

_Lindsay, _

_My Montana. God I love you. It kills me writing this… but after Jess died… there's a part of me that wants that last reassuring conversation - even if it's through a letter. _

_If you're reading this, it means something's happened to me. And I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry. _

Sitting up against their headboard on their bed, he took a deep breath as he regained his composure.

_Be strong, baby. I don't have to tell you that, 'cause you are. You're my strength, and I love you. So much. _

_Right now I'm pretty sure you're giving me a pep talk in yours telling me I can do it. I can be Lucy's daddy even though I'll be doubting myself, and you're probably right. Sometimes you've just gotta step up to the plate. We can make changes, and we'll get by. _

_But this isn't about me and what I'm to do without you. This is about you. _

_The only thing I can say to you is don't ever change. Be who you are. Every time I see you with Lucy, I'm in awe… you're a natural, and I love that about you. Instantly, it was like as soon as they laid her on your chest in the delivery room, that was it… all this mommy knowledge filled your brain and boom! Instant mommy. _

_An ode to your wiseass condom spray joke? Yes… Yes that was, baby girl. Bet you got a kick out of that one. You're going to beat me when you see me… making wiseass jokes in my letter._

_I know you say I'm the guy you deserve, but sometimes… I just feel I could have done better. I could have told you I love you a little more. I should have wrapped my arms around you for no reason, other than to just feel you and hold you close. And even though I'm not gone, I know I'm writing this, and it will still stand true… I still won't hug you and say I love you half as much as what I should._

_You have no idea how much I truly love you, Linds… You saved me from when I was spiraling. You gave me our daughter. You're my light in the dark. _

_You wipe those tears away that I bet you're crying too. Don't waste your tears about me not being around. You know how you mean the entire world to me. You and our daughter. The sun rises and sets on you guys. It always has, and it always will. I promise you we will have had an amazing life together, and it was just my time. Treasure our memories, and smile when you think of me. We haven't had it easy - that's for sure… but all the tough times brought us to where we are now. Which will be nothing but a blissfully happy marriage. _

_Everything will get better in time. Lucy and you will get a routine going, and you'll be set. Daddy will be the angel looking after his baby girls and making sure no one hurts them. _

_Before you get up in the morning, just take one breath before you start the day. Give yourself that one second to have a moment of composure. Take baby steps; you'll make it through. I'll be there, Linds… When times are hard and it hurts… I'll be there. I promise you that. _

_You made me the guy I am. _

_Lindsay, I love you. _

_D x _

Folding his letter, he carefully placed the letter inside the envelope, sealed it, and scribbled 'Montana' across the front.

He blinked a few times to adjust his eyes from tearing up and he shuffled off the bed. Hearing Lucy's soft baby snores, he walked straight past Lucy's bassinet in their bedroom, and grabbed her baby monitor from the foot of the bed instead as he took the letter into Lindsay.

He strained his ears as he padded through the apartment and peeked into the kitchen. Upon seeing Lindsay place her pen down, Danny smiled at her, reassuringly.

"Everything a'right?"

Lindsay nodded. "I'm emotional… Writing that letter choked me up."

"I hear you on that one." Danny agreed. "You manage alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But I can't cope with writing Lucy's right now… I need some downtime."

Danny nodded adamantly in agreement. "Maybe later…"

Lindsay glanced at the envelope in his hand. "It seems…"

"Weird." Danny offered.

Nodding, Lindsay took a breath as she opened their 'Important and Confidential Document' folder - labeled 'Christmas Cards' - and slipped her letter inside. Following suit, Danny too set his letter next to Lindsay's, and moved so she could close up the folder and set it on the table.

"It states in our wills the letters are in this folder, right?"

Lindsay nodded. "I just hope we're not tempting some kind of evil fate here."

"If we are then so be it. Whatever happens, happens. If I die tomorrow, I know I will have lived my life how I wanted. With you. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have a beautiful wife, and a precious daughter. If my time's up… it's up."

"Why do I get the feeling you weren't this macho in your letter, babe?"

"'Cause you know me oh so well." he teased as he sat next to her at the table. Settling on the chair, he pulled Lindsay across to him and sat her on his knee. "I love you… You know that, right?"

She nodded and pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I love you too,"

"And I was just doing this…"

"Because we have both seen how Jess being taken so suddenly has affected Don. This way, we're prepared in a roundabout way." She finished for him.

"I'm so glad we speak the same language." he teased as he kissed her temple and wrapped his arms around her.

Sharing their moment together, the couple glanced down to the folder and let out an in unison breath.

Hoping their letters wouldn't be read anytime soon.

* * *

**What did you guys think? I hope it wasn't too different and you all liked it :)**


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